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sassyangelac · Messages: 1108

"Okay, so no big deal, stuff happens, things change. We'll just have a quiet Thanksgiving at home; just the two of us."

"Yeah, it will just work out better that way. You don't have to knock yourself out cooking if you don't want to. I'll completely understand."

"No, I'll cook. I'll just do the basics; the traditional stuff, but for two."

"Great! Whatever you feel like making will be fine with me."

Later that evening...

"I'm finishing up the shopping and getting ready to check out. I should be home in twenty minutes."

"Did you get everything you needed?"

"Yep; like I said, just the basics. I even found a little turkey for two!"

"So, are you going to make dressing and everything?"

"Well, we call it stuffing, not dressing, but yes. I'll do mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole along with the turkey and stuffing. Oh, and I'm making a pumpkin pie, and that's it."

"What about the cranberry sauce? You're making cranberry sauce, aren't you?"

"Um...no. No one in my family ever eats it, so we stopped buying it and throwing it away."

"Oh, I've got to have cranberry sauce! It's my favorite part. It's not Thanksgiving without it."

"Well, okay. I didn't realize you liked it. I'll go back and grab a can."

"Wait a minute, you're gonna make that crap in a can?"

"Um...is there another kind?"

"Of course there is another kind. That crap in a can is not cranberry sauce. Yuck."

"I've never known an alternative. I guess I could ask the girls at work to tell me how to make it. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Don't worry, all of those traditional southern cooks will tell me what to do."

The next day...

"So none of you have ever heard of 'real' cranberry sauce that's not crap in a can?"

"Well, the crap in a can is 'real' cranberry sauce. It's just jellied. There is a version with whole berries and juice, instead of jelly, but that comes in a can too."

"So, is it possible that he's been eating the crap in a can all these years and never knew it?"

"Yes, he probably has. The real question is, is he used to seeing mashed-up-jellied crap in a can, slices-of- can-shaped-jellied crap in a can, or whole cranberries with crap in a can?"

"Oh man, I had no idea there was more than one way to serve the crap in a can. How am I supposed to pass off the appropriate crap if I don't know which he thinks is the real crap?"

"Honey, you're just going to have to ask him."

"Either way, he still has to be convinced that it didn't come from a can."

"Right. Unless you want to actually find out how to make cranberry sauce from scratch. But even then, if crap in a can is what he's been eating all these years, all your efforts will still be wasted."

"Geez, I'm used to taking abuse from folks for not making sweet potatoes, but never has the success of Thanksgiving hinged upon picking the right crap in a can!"

"You should consider yourself lucky. It could be oyster dressing, or giblet gravy, or fried turkey. All you really have to do is pick the right can."

"You're right. I've got so much crap to be thankful for."

kathryn · Messages: 904 Location: little house on the prairie

Wonderful story Sassy!! You made my night

Loved it!

"Do not stop thinking about life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you choose a challenge instead of a competence." ~Eleanor Roosevent

rich · Messages: 583 Location: Longmont, CO

"Of course there is another kind. That crap in a can is not cranberry sauce. Yuck."

Option 2. Get off your dead ass and make your OWN cranberry sauce!

Just a thought...

sassyangelac · Messages: 1108

Indeed.

mish · Messages: 1033 Location: Southern California

sorry...
crap in a can?
jellied cranberry sauce..or gel..or whatever, that slices so deliciously and you can eat it with a fork, sliding a slice right onto the turkey, then adding a little stuffing and gravy?
OR...Or....or.....the next day, bread, mayo, turkey, dressing and jellied cranberry sliced on top.....

CRAP IN A CAN!!!!!

this lurker just had to jump in here at the sacrilege!

and now i want to know the outcome...do tell sassy!
<Michele

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us....E.M.Forster

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

WowEE we get to see the Feisty side of Mr. Monk! : D
I know... it's kinda Strange... people can get Very Emotional about cranberry sauce. I don't join in, but I've witnessed a few wrestling matches in my time. (Not the wrestling matches....the Cranberry Debate. Geeez.) It's rather like the whole, Chicago vs. New York-style Pizza. Riotous.
Ri-o-tous.

All you non-participants: Tread Verrry Lightly.... and baaack away ssslowwwly... And Don't Take Sides. This is the Politics of Kitchen! It's a Bloodbath. Go to the Swiss-side of the Dining Room & quietly eat your mashed potatoes. Mashed Potatoes is pretty neutral; hard to argue about that... But I wouldn't Chance it; Best to save your battles for non-negotiables or things you REALLY feel Strongly about...

Like Dessert.+:.

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

mame · Messages: 1404 Location: Colorado (aka:Paradise)

Okay, Kindred had to open up this can of worms, so...

*****What about Pumpkin Pie?*****

Most people either love it or hate it.
I say, it doesn't seem like the holidays unless I've made at least one homemade pumpkin pie. And you're not allowed to say that you hate it, if all you've ever tasted are the lame ones bought from the grocery store bakeries. They NEVER get the spices right, and it's ALL about the spices!

And okay, I will admit that part of my attachment (aside from their yumminess) is sentimental. I remember eating chilled pumpkin pie piled high with whipped topping on elegant dainty bone china with matching teacups full of creamy coffee, using sterling silverware in my grandma's cheery yellow kitchen full of warmth and holiday aroma. What's not to love?!?!

PS--don't you also love my run-on sentences?

~~Mame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and
no one to thank" ~ Christina Rossetti

sassyangelac · Messages: 1108

mish wrote:

and now i want to know the outcome...do tell sassy!
<Michele

It was the variety that resembles whole berries. I bought a can of both, waited until he had a couple of beers, and then asked...without revealing that either was from a can. I hid the can the next day, and presented a glistening bowl of the correct crap in a can along the other dishes, and held my breath.

Sure enough, his first question was, "Did you make the cranberry sauce yourself?" I tossed my imaginary hair and deflected his question with, "Give it a try, and tell me what you think."

Sometimes it's just good to be bad.

Oh, and Mame, your wisdom is boundless, it is indeed ALL about the pie!

elle · Messages: 882

sassy, i must admit....i was laughing so hard on this one (shades of rich's posting regarding leaking of bodily fluids), and then to see rich's remark which was totally out of the "little monk" character....

priceless.

and today of all days, when it was needed the most....

sassyangelac · Messages: 1108

At your service, my dear.

When it comes to crap, I know of what I speak.

When it comes to giving crap, Rich knows when to speak.

elle · Messages: 882

man....you guys must be getting into the christmas "spirit" a little early this year.

you're both making it very difficult to be good.

it's hard enough for me to do, never mind any encouragement.

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

Rich is Multi-Faceted. We've seen the Monk side (which we all know & love..) but now we've actually seen the White Knight side. He was feeling Protective for our Newlywed (Rich is Quite the Renaissance-Man) and thought (para.) perhaps it might be nice if, Oh, I dunno... the new hubby were to p a r t i c i p a t e as opposed to (sounding as if--) dictate or mandate. Or any other kind of -ate that's no fun.
I was raised by parents whom had the whole 50's mentality going on. I just grew up watching the Men sit in front of the t.v. whilst the women worked their tushes off, cleaning, shopping, lugging, preparing, cooking, presenting, serving, clearing, cleaning, washing... Then doing it all again for the Dessert-course. Made it Very Awkward when I started bringing steady boyfriends or hubby as I wanted to spend time with them... but the Men's Club mandated he be in there, with them. I'm with Lana. Now I'm looking for a Renaissance-Man.

Did I get this right, Mr. Knight?

...Just a thought.

And, Mame..... I personally Love the run-on sentences when they're fueled by Passion. And how can one Not be Passionate about Dessert? My Whole Life is one big Run-On Sentence.
; 9

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

rich · Messages: 583 Location: Longmont, CO

Kindred,

Did I get this right, Mr. Knight?

Pretty much. I posted it as "just a thought" because I recognize that people's choices are their own and it's not my place to second guess them.
And I am not being critical of Sassy. I may even have leaped to the wrong conclusion about the cranberry matter.

Lana and I married in the 60's and (almost) nobody questioned the rampant inequity of roles and division (HAH!) of labor in married couples.

Essentially, men went to work (I AM THE BREADWINNER!) and women did EVERYTHING else. On weekends, men went hunting, fishing, golfing or sat on couches drinking beer and smoking. Women worked. Few people questioned Mother Culture. These were the roles and "that's how it's always been."

That MAY have been true on pioneer farms. Even then the disparity was present. As hard as farming was, the men usually got to rest at NIGHT(ok, except for dairy farmers). Not so the women.

It finally dawned on me that I could probably learn how to iron a shirt, load a washer and dryer, fold the clothes, shop for OUR food, learn how to actually cook some of it, run the errands, clean the house etc. to "help out." It took me a while longer to realize that I wasn't "helping out" (as though it was Lana's task that I was noble enough to assist her with). I figured out I was just DOING MY SHARE.

WHEW! Long sermonette today!

Conclusion: This marriage business SHOULD be a 50/50 deal. If his momma does everything for him before you marry him, whom do you think he will expect to do it now?

rich · Messages: 583 Location: Longmont, CO

p.s.

This model was so thoroughly ingrained that my mom would get angry when she found me ironing my own shirts. She felt, of course, that was Lana's job and Lana was not "taking care of me" if I had to iron my shirts.

Once in a while when we weren't home, Mom would pop in, run a quick batch of laundry and swipe my shirts. A day or two later, they were back, all freshly ironed. 'Cuz that was "woman's work."

LOTS of men (and probably all the girls on "My Sweet Sixteen Party" ) grow up never having had to learn "domestic" skills. It is a great disservice to them. If they EVER have to rely on themselves, they are at a terrible disadvantage.

sassyangelac · Messages: 1108

Hey, as long as he keeps killing the bugs, I'll open the requisite cans of crap once a year!

And any man with enough salt to marry Sassy gets full disclosure of the amount of sass he's about to endure, so having to wash his own boxers once in awhile is the least of his burdens.