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elle · Messages: 882

kindred...i believe to what you are referring is in many cases called tough love, and it does work.

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

Mm. I don't believe Love has degrees, shades, or types. So Many things Humans call Love really is Not.

"Tough Love", in my opin, is just a way of people getting out their aggressions from a vibration of Control.

Not a fan.
Rather, I'm responsible for My Happiness Only (i.e.: You're off the hook); You're responsible for Your Happiness Only,(i.e., Everyone Else is off the hook) & if we choose to interact, what a Glorious sharing it will be: Two completely Empowered people coming together to experience Life.

How Delicious!

Appreciation Is Love.

The Name of the Game is Alignment.
One can't cajole, shame, berate, punish, sadden, or push someone into Alignment; one is empowered, inspired, invited, given examples-of, Loved~* into it.

That's what I believe.

~*

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

linda gail · Messages: 1602

I agree with you Kind, but i do believe in tough love. I had a son who was driving me and the rest of the house crazy. I told him to move out. He did. He's taking care of himself. i love him dearly. he knows that. I don't approve of some self destructive things he was doing and I will not support them. When he's taking care of himself, he learns that those things won't cut it. So, we're all better off. It was really hard to do. i did it because i loved him and thought it was what was best for him. That's tough love. i saw a couple who took care of every little thing every time their son got in trouble - and guess what, he never learned to do some things differently. He's 45 now, and it ain't pretty. Different people respond differently, so what works for one may not for another, but if i had it to do over with my son again, I'd do it again.

Believe.

mame · Messages: 1404 Location: Colorado (aka:Paradise)

I don't totally agree with you, Kindred.

I believe we are designed to be powerful relational beings and that the things we do and say to others do have power to impact them.

No, that doesn't make other people responsible for your happiness or vice versa. I'm not going to live my life just to please others, but I would be lying if I said that their opinions don't matter to me at all. It hurts when someone you care about treats you with disrespect. Can I rise above it? Probably, but it still hurts. And the cool thing is, if we are able to impact others in negative ways, that also means we also have power to impact others in positive ways. If my opinion doesn't matter at all, why even offer it?

And yes, I do think "tough love" is sometimes called for. And sometimes you have to care enough about someone to confront them with their self-destructive behavior, and care about yourself enough to draw a line in the sand and say that you are no longer going to allow their behavior to have a negative impact on you.

~~Mame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and
no one to thank" ~ Christina Rossetti

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

Yes. Boundaries are necessary, fo' Sho!

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

Scarlett651 · Messages: 2266 Location: the porch

Mame wrote:

And the cool thing is, if we are able to impact others in negative ways, that also means we also have power to impact others in positive ways.

Yes!!!

We are not human beings making a spiritual journey...we are spiritual beings making a human journey.
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
*******
"He lived happily ever after."
Willie Wonka

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

Okay, Girlies! Go Forth & Play!

Got Life to do.

Nice batting it about with y'all.

Save a Foo Foo drink for Me, will ya, Scarlett, Dear?

Tasty Treat.+:.

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

Scarlett651 · Messages: 2266 Location: the porch

Save a Foo Foo drink for Me, will ya, Scarlett, Dear?

always

We are not human beings making a spiritual journey...we are spiritual beings making a human journey.
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
*******
"He lived happily ever after."
Willie Wonka

hecticeclectic · 07/08/2009 20:08:24 Subject: Re: Kindness, Beauty, Abundance

Kindred wrote:

Mm. I don't believe Love has degrees, shades, or types.

"Tough Love", in my opin, is just a way of people getting out their aggressions from a vibration of Control.

The Name of the Game is Alignment.
One can't cajole, shame, berate, punish, sadden, or push someone into Alignment; one is empowered, inspired, invited, given examples-of, Loved~* into it.

~*

I do believe in tough love. I do believe there are different types of love--romantic, parental, platonic, etc. I do believe that our actions impact others. I recognize how others react is their choice. Tough Love is simply a way to teach consequences and set boundaries and can have many positive results.

I am glad we can agree to disagree.

Peace and Love,
Jo

Look up at the sky. Ask yourself, "Has the sheep eaten the flower or not?" And you'll see how everything changes.
And no grown-up will ever understand how such a thing could be so important!
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, THE LITTLE PRINCE

mame · Messages: 1404 Location: Colorado (aka:Paradise)

Kindness: I helped out a friend who needed to borrow a computer today.

Beauty: Colorado Blue Sky!

Abundance: Cooked some wonderful Lemon Curried Chicken for dinner.

~~Mame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and
no one to thank" ~ Christina Rossetti

Kindred · Messages: 912 Location: A little Here.... a little There~

Jo wrote:

I am glad we can agree to disagree.

Oh, me, too!
~ But the thing to remember, like all sorts of cultures having all sorts of names for their God, there are as many paths as there are people.
But the destination to Love is always the Same.
People can get so upset when others call their God by a different name, whislt thinking nothing of being okay with having a different word for Chair, or 100 words for Snow...~

Mame~
Thanks for bringing us back!
I simply Adore this game!

Kindness: The boy at the drive-thru window last night, waiting patiently as I counted out all my change to pay

Beauty: It always amazes me what comes through me when I create a piece with the vibration of Love, instead of saving or making money. (Started my First to-be-finished Chandelier last night. All shades of whites & cremes~ total Kindred-Style!)

Abundance: A restaurant (Claim Jumper! Remember my Birthday humUNGO eclair??) sent me a voucher for a free dessert!

~Mame, I sooooo want some chicken curry, now.

...A Glorious Un-Work in Progress.~*

kathryn · Messages: 904 Location: little house on the prairie

There are some lovely thoughts and pictures here...........

Kindness: An old acqaintance from high school has made a point of our getting together after 40 years. We had a wonderful conversation and time together which would never have happened if she didn't take the time and make the effort.

Beauty: Rich, loamy, crumbly earth to tuck new little perennial flowers into.

Abundance: Friends whose warm hearts, kindnesses and good will fill me to overflowing.

"Do not stop thinking about life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you choose a challenge instead of a competence." ~Eleanor Roosevent

mame · Messages: 1404 Location: Colorado (aka:Paradise)

Kindness: A friend called to let me know why she didn't respond to my phone message invitation to go for a hike last weekend. I wasn't worried cause it was a last minute thing.

Beauty: I am listening to a beautiful song sung by a beautiful choir right now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0J7Zx-F1uA

Abundance: Went with friends to a very well done performance of Midsummer Nights Dream which was followed by a party catered by an upscale restaurant, great food, a glass of red, and got a gift certificate to said restaurant worth $20, all free of charge! (free to all, not just me...well, not everyone got the gift certificate.) Then I dropped by late to a neighbor's house who had invited me to their party for dessert!

~~Mame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and
no one to thank" ~ Christina Rossetti

kathryn · Messages: 904 Location: little house on the prairie

Mame ~ the music IS beautiful! the kind that lifts you right up to heaven :~) thanks for sharing it here!

I was thinking also about the comments on "tough love." Pretty much like Mame, LG & Jo said..... I used to tell my boys "I'm going to give you the OPPORTUNITY to experience the full, natural consequences of your actions." It went both ways. Sometimes they reaped great rewards for those actions. At those times, they liked the opportunity. Other times, there were toys lost/broken, benches to be sat upon (as opposed to playing the game), privileges lost, damages to be repaired, fines to be paid.....at those times, they weren't so fond of the opportunities. To me, "tough love" just meant they were given an opportunity to be responsible and to reap the natural rewards/consequences of what they did. It meant that mama didn't save them from themselves OR take credit for the good they did. It was a welcome to the real world and sometimes hard for both of us, but necessary and the operative word continued to be LOVE.

-----------------

TODAY

Beauty (& serenity): seeing the rolling green hills and vinyards of Ridge View Winery, stretching as far as the eye could see, in the deep country of central Illinois while sipping a delightful, cold, foo-foo red wine slush and listening to live music with good friends.

Kindness: my son spending hours and energy to make a special hand-made oak recipe box for friends who are getting married.

Abundance: enough of everything I need.

"Do not stop thinking about life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you choose a challenge instead of a competence." ~Eleanor Roosevent

mame · Messages: 1404 Location: Colorado (aka:Paradise)

Abundance: I had to turn down 2 other dinner invitations to attend the church picnic!

Abundance and Kindness: I bought 2 lbs of lovely black seedless grapes for $2 after church, and asked the woman at the coffee kiosk in the grocery store if she would mind washing them for me so I could take them directly to the church picnic. On my way out of the parking lot, I saw a homeless man with a sign, rolled down the window and gave him 2 big handfuls of grapes. He was delighted!

Abundance, Kindness and Beauty: Later at cards, a friend called first to find out how many women were there and since there were only 2 of us, and because she can't resist a good sale, she bought us each a dozen roses! Mine had pale pink on the outside of the petals and red on the inside in a lovely pink fluted vase!

BTW--I'd love to see your chandelier when you are done, Kindred!

I felt very blessed today!

~~Mame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and
no one to thank" ~ Christina Rossetti